We All Need A ‘Couch Friend’ In Our Lives. Do You Have One?

A “couch friend” is someone with whom you feel completely at home and who never makes you feel the need to impress him.You can sit on the couch for hours in your comfiest clothes with no plans – just talking, maybe watching a show or having a snack – and still have fun.

Last year, Los Angeles-based content creator Charlotte Negron created a TikTok about the beauty of this friendship, and the term has since taken off.In a few months, it’s racked up more than 7 million views and more than 11,000 comments.

Negron said she and her couch friends usually hang out together, watch shows, swipe their phones, and occasionally chat or show each other funny videos.

She said, “Basically, it’s like something you do when you’re alone, but with friends.”

Why are “couch friends” so important?

Modern life can be hectic and exhausting at times – not to mention expensive.That’s why it’s so appealing to have a friend you can effortlessly connect with, without you having to spend money or effort.

“The reason couch friends are so important is because by nature, they are friends who make you feel safe,” says Negron.”You can show up as often as you want, no matter what you look like, for as long as you want. …… It’s a very low-key gathering, and it’s the perfect way to rejuvenate.”

Danielle Bayard Jackson is a friendship educator and author of the forthcoming book, Fighting for Our Friendships: the Science and Art of Conflict and Connection in Women’s Relationships.As humans, she says, we crave intimacy, and the idea of being able to sit on the couch with a friend symbolizes the kind of comfort and closeness we seek.

“I think we all crave a friendship where we don’t have to dress up, perform, commute, and come up with fun things to do.So if we can sit on the couch and talk and be free in our everyday clothes, that says a lot about our comfort level and intimacy.I think that’s why it’s so popular.”she said.

How to Make “Couch Friends”

Maybe you don’t have a friend like that in your life right now, but you wish you did.What can you do?Start by thinking about the people in your social circle who you can easily talk to and who are comfortable in “no-frills social situations,” says Baird-Jackson.

“Are you always with people who always need something flashy and expensive as a social context?Look for people who you feel comfortable being yourself with,” she says.”You’ll find you don’t need to perform with them.They say things that make you feel comfortable sharing your opinions and have a great sense of humor.These are the people you’re looking for.”

Perhaps more importantly, think about how you need to perform to attract that kind of person, says Bayard Jackson.

“A willingness to share your true thoughts and opinions, a willingness to be honest about your vulnerability-not necessarily self-expression, but a willingness to let people come to your house to see what you have,” she says.”People you can talk to freely, conversations that don’t feel like too much work.Those are the things you need to do to build a friendship like that.”

Anna Goldfarb is a journalist and author of the forthcoming book Modern Friendships: How to Cultivate Our Most Precious Connections.She says the role of the couch friend usually develops over time.Having something important in common is a good foundation for this type of friendship, she said.Maybe you share a hobby, work in the same field, do similar volunteer work, or are at the same stage of life.

“So you don’t walk up to someone and say, ‘Hey, you look cool.Do you want to be couch friends?’I mean, you can, but usually it’s something that develops as a result of having a clear and strong interest in someone,” she told.”Because when you’re sitting on the couch, you talk about things.What are you going to talk about?What are you both interested in?”

Don’t blame yourself if you don’t have as many couch friends as you’d like at this stage of your life.Realize that as you get older, finding those longer periods of free time to spend with friends that you may have had in high school, college, or early adulthood becomes more and more difficult.Your career, romantic relationships, family or other major life events may take priority.

“I think people get upset because they don’t have couch friends.It’s not because they’re doing anything wrong,” Goldfarb said.”It’s not that you’re not doing it right in any way – it’s that you may be spending time with your couch friends differently now than you did when you were younger, when you had a lot of free time.And you don’t have to be an adult living in a complex, busy, unpredictable world.”

But while this time may be harder to obtain, it doesn’t mean it’s impossible to achieve.

“You can even say, ‘Want to come over on Sunday and kick it and watch a movie together?’You can always extend an invitation,” Goldfarb said.”But if those opportunities and occasions to spend time with your couch friends are going to diminish over time, then it makes sense to do so.But it makes things more special, you know?It feels really good when you actually have it.”